A Different Kind of Soccer Mom

This isn't about the traditional soccer mom, or even the non-competitive soccer mom, as I see myself. It's just about a mom who brought her son to Harrison's soccer class last week, and returned this week.

We were excited to see another child, Harrison and I. I was hoping she wouldn't be a camcorder-wielding crazy, which was fortunately the case. Unfortunately, her child was the one whose behavior had me worried.

I was worried because I saw AUTISM written all over the situation. The mom introduced herself in broken English (she's Chinese, and is still learning English, but did very well) and asked about Harrison and told me about her son, who is 3. She told me her son didn't really understand English, and that he'd been kicked out of the preschool class he was in. I watched him on the field, thinking at first, "Well, if he doesn't understand English, how can he be expected to participate in preschool? Why would they kick him out?" But as I watched him, I saw Hutton's behavior from three years ago. Not paying attention to the teacher or Harrison, or even looking at them when they talked. Running around instead of sitting in the middle when the teacher showed him how and where to sit. Not participating in any of the activities the teacher and Harrison did, but running around or throwing things instead, screaming randomly.

I started trying to talk to the mom about school, and mentioned that there are special preschools where her son could get speech help. I didn't want to come right out and tell her I thought her son had autism, but I mentioned Hutton and how he had attended a special preschool which offered him speech therapy. I found out where the mom lived, and unfortunately she is not in our school district, so I couldn't tell her, "Go here. Talk to this person. They'll help you." And since her son is three, the early intervention program won't cover him, though I did mention it and she wrote it down when I told her they would have some ideas of preschools for her son. I go her name and number, and figured I could ask other Autism mom friends where kids go for special education preschool in her district.

The situation is even harder because of the limited English the mom speaks, as well as my not knowing any Chinese. Wait, I know a few phrases I learned from my best friend in high school: Woo ya se fain (I'm hungry); Woo ya nuau-nuau (I need to pee); woo ya dabien (I need to poop). Yes, those are spelled incorrectly. And they're not exactly going to help me converse with this mother about her son's possible Autism diagnosis.

At the last class, I asked her about preschools, and she said her son is signed up next fall at a co-op preschool. She liked that it goes at the individual speed of each child, and I nodded, thinking that did sound good. She said they didn't recommend starting school in the middle of the term. I nodded, but thought, "Wow, five months without school." I reminded myself to call my friend who lives in the same town as the mom and find out about special education so maybe she can get help before summer. (I had called another friend, but she's not in the same school district, even though technically she lives in the same town. Confusing stuff.) And then I have a Chinese friend who lives in a different school district too, but at least speaks Chinese and can maybe talk to this mom about Autism and being new to the area.

During class, I noticed more autistic behaviors, and felt bad for the other mom when her son knocked Harrison down at one point. That's not something you normally feel when it's a neurotypical kid, believe me! ("Man, that kid just grabbed my child by the neck and pulled him down. That poor mother!") When you have a feeling Autism is involved, on the other hand, and you've been the mom apologizing for your child's behavior, it's much easier to put yourself in someone else's shoes. The mom had her son apologize to Harrison which was very nice. The class instructor seemed very frustrated with the situation, however.

Sigh. This very nice woman is new to the area, is still learning English, and has a three-year-old who very possibly has a life-long disability, and it's hard enough to figure out services when you are a life-long English speaker. At least she'll have good insurance, as her husband works for a certain large software company out here. We do have that in common!