Still in the Midst of My Existential Crisis

Well, it's mostly the day to day crap -- literal and figurative -- still getting me down.

Yesterday was actually pretty good. I got my tires all inflated without blowing myself up. Hutton had a school conference that didn't go too badly. I didn't find the missing lug nut key from my car, though. It wasn't in my car or in the parking lot of Fred Meyer on Thursday afternoon or Friday morning when I checked. Hubby came home from his trip last night in time to see the boys before bedtime.

Today is back to the crap. Hubby double-checked for the missing lug nut key. (My car wheels have a "special" anti-theft lug nut, which needs a special tool to remove it. You know, because my tires are always getting stolen when I'm running errands in the 'burbs. Anyway, the special tool got lost in the hubbub of my tire change the other day. It's possible the man who helped me change it put it in his pocket, or left it on the curb, etc. Who knows.) It's gone though, and Hubby was nice enough to point out when I asked if he had any luck finding it, "No, but I'm sure it will only cost $200 to replace it." Yes, Hubby, I always need to feel worse about my screw-ups.

So, he left to go get a new tool from the car dealership, and asked me to call for service to our microwave while he was gone. I just did that. They'll be out Tuesday, Nov. 27th sometime between 1 and 5, and will charge us $79.99 for the service call, not including what it costs to actually fix the microwave. Did I mention how much I love cooking the old-fashioned way? No? Wait, I don't like cooking the old-fashioned way. I don't like cooking at all, in fact. I just miss being able to heat up my coffee without running the risk of shattering my favorite mugs, or being able to get Hutton's special nitrate/nitrite free hotdogs cooked that much faster at lunch time. I don't feel like cooking for Thanksgiving as it is. This just cements it for me. I don't enjoy celebrating Thanksgiving with just immediate family. It doesn't feel like a real holiday to me unless there are other guests in the house. I love my kids and Hubby (sometimes), but don't really want to bust my butt all day making a meal that only two of us will possibly enjoy.

Sigh.

Hutton slid on the bathroom rug yesterday and hit his eye on the corner of the bathroom vanity, and now has a cut and partial black eye. At least that happened after his school conference, and since he doesn't have school next week, hopefully it will be healed before he goes back. Hopeful, yeah, that's me. Full of optimism and cheer.

Life Is Shit

Well, you'd think that after Tuesday's sad post, I'd be thinking, "Life is beautiful. I must live life to its fullest, enjoy every moment I've been given." Nu-uh. I'm doing some self-centered dwelling on my own problems.

Today started with my car getting a flat tire. Luckily, I was able to drive to the parking lot of a store nearby. I attempted to change the tire. The lug nuts wouldn't budge, even when I was standing, then jumping up and down on the lug wrench. Of course, my cell phone wasn't in my car, so I got Hutton, who didn't have school today, out of the car and went in the store to try to call Hubby. I only had a quarter, and the pay phone cost fifty cents. I had a calling card, so tried that. No go. Apparently the calling card was expired. Got change for a dollar, and called again. Voice mail. Went back to the car, and danced on the lug wrench again. Nothing. Back to phone, left message for Hubby with the number of the pay phone at the store. A man saw me and had seen my issue outside, and asked if he could help. Yes, please!

He got the lug nuts loosened, by standing on the wrench himself, and apparently the extra 50 pounds or so did the trick. He even got the fancy anti-theft lug nut off, and the car jacked up. The tire wouldn't come off. I turned the steering wheel a few times, trying to straighten the wheel, and the car fell off the jack. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and the falling car apparently loosened the tire enough that it was able to come off. The nice man changed my tire for me, and I got the flat tire and tools thrown back in the car and thanked him profusely, then drove home. Left another message for Hubby that someone helped change my tire, and asked where I should get a new tire, as my old one had a hole on the side and wasn't repairable. I picked up Harrison, and Hubby called back. He was on his way to the airport, and sorry he missed my call. I'd forgotten about his overnight business trip. He told me the full size spare would be fine until this weekend, just to fill it with air.

I went home again to use our air compressor to add air to the spare tire. I then scared the crap out of myself when the air compressor stopped, and I pulled a random lever, and it suddenly blasted a bunch of air out and started again. I decided not to fill the other three tires, since I couldn't decipher the PSI information inside the gas tank and I'd already caused my heart to stop once with the air compressor already. I didn't want to blow myself up, leaving the boys and pets without food until Friday night, when Hubby comes home. I put the jack and other tools back in the trunk, but realized the special anti-theft lug nut removal tool was missing. Great.

I went upstairs to do some online research on tire PSI and where to find a replacement lug nut tool, when I heard Harrison crying downstairs. I went downstairs to find Harrison standing in his room, pantsless, with a circle of liquid poop around him. Much like the air compressor, steam blasted out of my ears at that point. I picked up Harrison and deposited him in the bathtub, where I sprayed him off, then told him to stay put while I surveyed the damage. Apparently, Harrison had made it to the bathroom, took off his pants, but still managed to poop in his underwear. Then, instead of finishing on the potty, he ran to his room, trying to hold everything in while he got some new underwear. Guess that didn't work. I deduced this from the trail of poop from the bathroom.

Oh yeah, our dishwasher door is cracked, from a few weeks back. I ordered a spare part and replaced that, so it runs, but it still needs a new liner. Plus, our microwave stopped working this past weekend. These are both lovely GE appliances from our kitchen remodel seven years ago. (My Dad worked for GE in the 70s, doing something with industrial batteries. I have it in my head that his working with toxic materials in the 70s is part of the reason he got cancer and died at age 58.) Bad things seems to happen in cycles for me. Can this cycle please end now? My theme song always returns to this one.
W
hich brings me to another song I heard today, shortly before my tire went flat. I was thinking about this song as I drove to get Harrison with the spare tire on. I don't know if I believe in reincarnation or not, but I think I must have been a child molester, murderer or rapist in a past life. Maybe all three. That's the only way to account for the really crappy spells in life. In my next life I'd like to be a happy bunny rabbit, or a butterfly, or something nice like that. Of course, I'd probably be eaten by a predator right off the bat. Siiiiiggghhhh. Serenity now! Back to PSI research. And perhaps another trip to the Fred Meyer parking lot to see if I can find the lug nut tool attachment.

Just When I'm Starting to Feel Good...

...Riding on an Elmo porn high, well-caffeinated, etc., I get knocked back down by the everyday crap.

Yesterday, we received a letter from the University of Washington, where Hutton goes for his ABA therapy. (The link includes a good overview of what ABA is. It's basically the treatment most widely accepted as being helpful for Autism. The fact that it is expensive and not covered by most insurance plans is just an added challenge for parents of kids with Autism.) However, our insurance plan does cover ABA therapy. Or 80% of it. Still, a lot better than paying everything out of pocket. That is, our insurance is supposed to cover it, but I keep having issues with our provider. The woman in charge of getting our ABA covered keeps finding problems. The letter we received from the UW told us that we'd be "private pay" for the rest of the year because we are over our allotment. Our allotment of 60 case management visits. That would be at least one visit a week for an entire year. We've averaged about 1 visit A MONTH with our old case manager, which is one of the reasons we switched to the UW. So, 1 visit a month from January to July, followed by weekly visits from mid-August till today, equals less than 60, when I add them. Of course, as you know math isn't my strong suit. But still. Even if I fudge the math a bit, it's still nowhere near 60. There's NO WAY IN HELL we've used 60 case manager visits for 2006. So, I've been trying to get in touch with someone at our insurance company for the past day, and have gotten nowhere. The main woman, who alerted the UW to our "red flag" status, is on vacation this week. Her assistant doesn't appear to be in her office in the afternoons. Oh, and did I mention we had the same exact thing happen in June, and they realized there was a mistake, and we all went on our merry way? Well, I guess they just lost the file, and rediscovered it, and forgot about the whole, "Oh, wait, that's wrong, you still have lots of case manager visits left for the year" discussion we had a few months ago.

OK, still, not that big of a problem. It will be resolved. I was fine with having that to tackle today. Until I got an email from Hutton's teacher. Hutton's behavior has become "increasingly inappropriate" for kindergarten and "he does not seem ready for the demands of kindergarten." Great. I cried. I stopped crying for a few minutes as I tried to contact the parent liason from Hutton's preschool to talk me down. She wasn't there, and the woman I spoke with at the local school with a contained learning program told me she'd try to find someone who knew something to call me back. I'm still crying. My child is being kicked out of Kindergarten. My life is not going so well today.