Another Exciting Week! Snore

As you may have guessed, not much going on here. Which is good, I suppose! I just had my "yearly" exam, though it's been two years since my last checkup. Whoops! That's one reason I just switched doctors. Maybe going to a new doctor with fewer patients, instead of the busy OB/Gyn practice, will mean the office will actually want to see me every year! Everything looked fine, and I had some blood drawn to check out all that good stuff. I also get to schedule a screening mammogram now that I'm 35! Lucky me. It is supposed to take about three months to get an appointment, since it's only a screening, baseline mammogram. Hey, still better than most autism services wait lists! So, right now I have the form on my desk to remind me, with a lovely picture of breasts -- the nipples are like eyes, boring into me saying, "We're watching you! Pick up the phone and schedule it already!" That is, if either eyes or nipples could talk.


See? Can't you feel them staring at you? Stop staring, boobs!

This weekend the weather was nice (unlike today - raining) and we got some fall cleanup done. Saturday, Hubby mowed the lawn for the last time of the year and cleaned the gutters. The boys "helped" and Harrison got some gutter crud dumped on him. Note to boys: don't stand directly under Daddy's ladder when he's cleaning out the gutters. Sunday, I swept up all the gutter crud and Harrison helped me rake some leaves.

When I was in the garage getting the rakes, however, I smelled the second of two Horrendous Smells of the Day. The first occurred when I was sweeping off the back deck. Fergus, bless him, was sniffing around by the grill, and found the "drippings bucket" hanging under the grill that apparently hadn't been cleaned after it's last use. (That's one of the "not my job" things that Hubby is in charge of.) Fergus dumped the bucket on the deck, and by the time I discovered what he'd done, he'd eaten some of the nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty (did I mention nasty?) slop that had come out. Think rancid grease and fat. Yes, nasty. I took the nasty bucket inside to clean, and grabbed some paper towels to pick up the rest of the nasty fat, then dumped some hot water on the remaining slime on the deck. That was smell number one. I revisited it a few hours later when I was pooper-scooping the yard prior to raking, and found some piles of vomited up rancid grease and fat. Yeah, Fergus, that's why you shouldn't have eaten that. That's why it had that horrific smell. I guess dogs don't really see things that way, though.

Smell number two was similar to the first, and I thought it was more rancid fat vomit, thanks to Fergus. Nope. It was... Hey, what's that smelly thing in the pile of outdoor toys in the garage? It smells like something putrescent, oh hey, it's a dead rat! I moved the soccer ball and stomp rocket out to the driveway to hose down and grabbed the pooper scooper to dispose of the nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty-smelling carcass. How long had that been there? Why am I the only human with a sense of smell who notices these things? Where are these rats coming from, and can they please stay away? (That's why we have cats - vermin patrol. However, I would prefer they keep the vermin outside.) I hosed down the garage floor and now need to buy some more Nature's Miracle. I wonder if they have a "dead stuff/putrescence" formula, or if the cat pee version will do the trick.

This weekend the boys and I also went to see if there were any more salmon, but didn't see any. Last weekend we heard them, but didn't get to see them. You could just hear them splashing around upstream from our viewing spot.

I also worked on Halloween costumes for me and Hubby. The boys both decided yesterday they want to be Spiderman. Yes, both of them. Hubby and I discussed other Spiderman friends and foes to see if one of them wanted to be someone else, but right now, they both still want Spiderman. I'm not going to attempt to make two Spiderman (and typing that out, I always think of it pronounced like a surname -- Spidermun) costumes, so I'll have to try to buy those. Maybe one will be the black costumed Spiderman? They've been playing the Spiderman Xbox game, hence both wanting to be him. A few weeks ago, Harrison wanted to be EVE (from Wall-E) so I suppose Spiderman is a much-easier costume choice, provided I'm not attempting to sew it myself. (My sewing skills are very basic and do not involve spandex.) Plus there was the whole realization on Harrison's part that EVE was a girl, and I could see the first struggle about gender identity taking place in his four-year-old mind: "Maybe EVE can be a boy, too?" I was just beginning to figure out how to make an EVE costume (and assuming Hutton would be Wall-E, which would involve a cardboard box - not exactly easy-to-wear at parties) when Harrison changed his mind to the definitely male SpiderMAN. Hmm. So, I think Harrison and I will go costume shopping today when I pick him up from school.

After I make that mammogram appointment, that is!

Headaches and Super Powers

My name is Laura, and I have a super power, so will have to come up with a super identity. How about The Nose? Or Bouquet Girl?

Yes, my super power is my sense of smell. I inherited it from my mother, who also has a strong sense of smell. Not necessarily the best super power to have when you live with pets and children, but it helps to find the source of hidden smells, if you have to do that. And if you have pets and kids, chances are you do.

The side effect to this amazing super power is that strong smells give me headaches. My mother, too, has this problem. She used to always try to give me perfumes she'd bought for herself that she couldn't wear because they gave her headaches. I tried to tell her, "Just don't wear perfume if it gives you a headache!" but Mom seems to value the favor of other people's noses over her own comfort. Most times, these perfumes give me headaches as well. So, I have lots of perfume on some glass shelves in my bathroom that mostly act as decoration. But, I have found if you keep a bottle of perfume out in the light for 10 years, the smell fades a lot, so this actually makes it wearable for those of us with super noses. My hint of the day.

This morning I was getting dressed, and quickly grabbed a sweater I bought on sale the other day at Mervyn's, a store here that is closing. Rumor has it, Kohl's department stores will be taking over the Mervyn's stores after they close. This really doesn't change my life in any way; just thought I'd share some exciting downscale department store gossip. Anyway, I pulled the tags off the sweater and pulled it on, and noticed it smelled of perfume. Apparently before I bought this sweater, someone wearing A LOT of perfume had tried it on. I hadn't bothered to try it on in the store, and apparently hadn't smelled the perfume in the store. The store had lots of other smells going on, though. Anyway, I debated taking off the smelly sweater and changing, but I'd already put on a matching necklace and earrings, and I was feeling lazy, plus was running late for Hutton's speech therapy, so left it on.

By the time I'd driven to speech therapy, I had a headache. Still, the smell wasn't as obvious, so I figured I was getting used to it, and if I still had a headache when we went home, I'd change.

After speech therapy, I took Hutton to the bus, then microwaved myself some soup to eat for lunch. My headache wasn't as bad, so I was fine to leave the smelly sweater on. That is, until I pulled up to the counter to taste my soup, and caught a whiff of something that was decidedly not soup-like. It was the smell of B.O. My mind whirled. What? Was that ME? Surely not! I showered this morning, used soap, deodorized myself....Now, not meaning to brag or anything, but I'm NOT a smelly person. I mean, if I go work out and hang out afterwards in my sweaty clothes, I'll start to smell. But I don't smell like B.O. on a normal day, and if I did, I would know! The whole super sense of smell, you know. It's not like not being able to smell your own breath. You can easily sniff your own pits and tell if you stink, right?

Which is what I did. There, under the heavy perfume smell, was the undeniable smell of B.O. Ewww! I ripped off the stinky sweater and sniffed its pits. Ewww! I rushed it to the laundry room, threw it down and Febreezed the crap out of it. I'll have to face it later, when the current load of laundry is done. I then smelled the shirt I was wearing under the sweater. It smelled vaguely perfumed and B.O.ish as well. I hurried upstairs to find a new shirt to put on. And just so you know, I sniffed my pits after taking off the stinky sweater and shirt, and they were just fine, thank you very much. Go ahead, take a sniff. See? Er, smell?

So, I've learned an important lesson, as I still nurse my smell-induced headache: When clothes shopping, sniff the clothes before you buy them. And to those of you who don't shower and/or deodorize yourself on a regular basis: you stink. Dousing yourself in perfume doesn't change that. That just makes you stink while giving those around you headaches.