Catch Up With the Greasy Headed Ho

I had the weirdest dream of the week last night. I was playing soccer on a snowy field with the cast of American Idol. I was pissed at Sanjaya - boy can't do a throw in to save his life! Told him to throw it UP FIELD not back towards our goal. Idiot! Then the team all got distracted and ran off to practice singing or something. I then slid over a snowy ramp and fell into a cold river, and had to go find some clothes to put on, because for some reason, I took my clothes of immediately. I realized I didn't really belong on AI -- I really didn't think there even was a Laura on the show -- and looked in all the rooms of the compound for anything that might reveal where I was staying so I could find something to wear. I saw a room where someone was getting her hair and makeup done, and thought maybe I could ask if there was an outfit I could wear, but since I was naked and all...

I woke up in a cold sweat soon after.
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That dream was on Sunday, but I saved it for "filler material". Weird, since last night I actually played soccer and American Idol was on. Guess those two have a pretty good subconscious half-life. I was late to soccer thanks to afternoon traffic making Hubby late, and further evening traffic making me late. Once I got on the field, it seemed I was in for a clutz fest. I was trying to beat an opposing player to a ball heading out of bounds and we collided, I landed hard on my hip, elbow and hand on the "all weather sand" they still use on half the fields around here, since grass gets trashed really quickly in the wet weather. The "sand" was the consistency of really crumbly concrete, and scraped my elbow skin off. Fortunately my ass was more padded and my hand was OK. And because I took one for the team, the ref even gave us the throw-in. Later, in the second half, I was chasing another opposing player who had the ball near our goal. As the ball went out of bounds, the player threw up her hands in despair and punched me in the eye and nose in the process. Fun. Actually I think I used another "F" word at the time. Hey, there weren't any kids around. Fortunately, my eye only watered for a minute, and I only have the one mark on my elbow from my game yesterday. And I must say, my team played a whole lot better than the American Idol team did in my dream, even though we still lost by one.

True confession time: Last night I peed in the bathtub. It's not as gross as it sounds, really. OK, it is. Well, I was taking a bath, sipping some hot tea and reading a book, and just had to finish the book. The water was growing cold, I'd finished my tea, and I needed to pee, but kept reading. I finally got up to dry off, and realized I wasn't going to make it downstairs to pee. (Our master bath toilet is still broken -- the replacement flapper ball didn't fit, and Hubby turned off the water to the toilet so it wouldn't run constantly.) The water was already draining down the tub, and the sound of it made it unbearable, but it's not like I peed in the water I was lying in. I just happened to "accidentally" pee while I was stepping out of the tub, and there was plenty of water left in the tub to dilute the pee. Plus, I cleaned the tub out afterwards. Sigh. Now I've become a gross person who sees any drain as a potential pee disposal area. I promise it won't happen again! I'm going to pee before I get in the tub next time, no have a big cup of tea while bathing, etc. I'll just blame it on the fact that Hubby hasn't fixed the toilet. Yep, anything involving plumbing falls under his domain. I can unstop a toilet or unclog a sink as well as the feisty housewife, but I don't do the big fixes.

Oh, and my title. Obviously a reference to the big Don Imus debacle, but also to the fact that I haven't washed my hair today, and now I'm already dressed and don't want to go back and take another shower so I can wash it. (I was in a rush to get dressed to take Hutton to the bus.) So, overall, this post is not presenting me in too flattering a light, is it? Oh well, I'm just being honest with my "audience."

Sanjaya: WTF?

I watched American Idol last night since we played our weekly soccer game Sunday instead of Tuesday night. I was very impressed with Gina for the first time ever, and I loved Melinda, as always. Even Nosferatu Phil sounded good. When they showed a brief shot of Sanjaya before they cut to commercials, my brain couldn't process what was going on with his hair. It looked like a big puff on his head, like Pebbles Flintstone's hairstyle, minus the bone.
When he came on to perform, I realized it was worse than I thought. He looked like a Trojan warrior, minus the helmet part of the helmet - just the plumage. And his performance...uh, let's just say I don't have anything good to say about that.


Simon actually summed it up pretty well when he told Sanjaya it really didn't matter what he (Simon) said, implying crazy people will still vote for him. We shall see!


I think Hayley or Sanjaya need to go. Though Chris Sligh's performance was pretty bad and he's never really impressed me, I'm willing to give him another week or two. (Aren't I nice? Like I have anything to do with who will succeed on the show!)

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A sort of related nicety: Yesterday I was watching a DVD with the boys before bathtime, and when I turned the DVD player off, American Idol was coming on. Hutton looked at the TV and said, "F O X spells fox!" He had read the FOX icon on the corner of the screen. Yay! And here his report card last week was saying he didn't know any sight words. I beg to differ!

Catch Up Post

I've been working out lately. I made it to the gym on Monday in time to go to the "Amazing Abs!" class. Twenty minutes of core work. Hey, I can handle twenty minutes, right? I mean, Harrison was born in less than twenty minutes, for Pete's sake (heh-heh - I used that one instead of another name!). Surely doing twenty minutes of crunches and such can't be that bad.

Yes it is, and don't call my Shirley! I did the beginner level of all the exercises. We did half the class on the exercise ball, the other half on the mat. I knew I'd be sore later. After class, I ran on the treadmill. By the time I got Harrison out of the childcare, I was already feeling my abs tightening up uncomfortably. And it's not like I don't have a 3 inch layer of fat over the top of my abs, so I didn't at least have some nice ab puckering to look forward to. Nope, you really can't tell my abs got any work.

Tuesday night I played soccer in the freezing rain. Welcome to the spring season! We only had 10 people, which means playing one short and not having any subs. We got our asses kicked handily, and I headed home with the heat blasting in the car, and I was still freezing and shaking when I got home thirty minutes later. That's one thing about wicking underlayers -- when they get rained on, they do a great job of holding cold water! After a very long, very hot bath, I felt better, but my abs were still sore from Monday.

Wednesday I very foolishly did the abs class again. I figured it would help me get in the habit of going to the class. It's only twice a week, so how hard can it be to get in the habit? My abs were still sore. I did the beginner stuff again, and my abs are still sore today. Plus my legs are sore from soccer.

Let's see, what else? Discover Magazine has a great article on Autism in the April issue. I bought two copies, and gave one to Hubby to read. It has lots of information on biomedical treatments for Autism. I told Hubby he had to read it, since it's "scientific" and he was a chemistry major. He read it. I asked him what he thought. He just made a noise, like, "Mmmm." I have no idea what that means. Oh well. I'll continue taking Hutton to different doctors, doing difficult diets and trying everything that sounds remotely helpful until he's better. I'm not expecting a full recovery, but when I think how far he's come, I'm excited. Oh, and Hubby also told me Hutton can't have the cranio-sacral therapy anymore. We've been going weekly. Because it's weekly, and it's not like a dramatic overnight change, it's hard to tell how useful it is. But, I like the doctor, and she has been great support for the dietary changes and says she can tell Hutton's improving. Because we have a co-pay, though, Hubby didn't like it. Oh well. Have to work on him more.

Also, for those who watched American Idol -- WTF? Sanjaya's performance was....OK, since my first post on American Idol, things have changed. I now find Sanjaya quite lacking in the voice department, and in fact, he annoys me. Brandon is gone. Melinda is my fave. Jordin is my second place. LaKisha third. The guys are seriously lacking. I was shocked Stephanie was voted off. SANJAYA needed to be gone after that horrific version of "You Really Got Me." I fast-forwarded through the second half of the song, so unless it changed dramatically in the second half, I stand by my initial, "It sucked hard!" The only redeeming part of his performance was the crying preteen girl in the audience the cameras kept panning to.

Oh, and even though I love Melinda, I have read comparisons of her to Arthur's sister, DW. I have to agree, the resemblance is there. What do you think?

Lakishas on TV

Last night, after braving the snow to get to the grocery store to replenish my food supply (really needed milk so I can continue to support my latte addiction), I sat down to watch some TV. I flipped on American Idol, and frogged, or ripped, a sweater while listening very carefully to the ladies sing. (Frogging a sweater is basically when you unknit something. You "rip it" - get it? Like a frog. Hey, I didn't make the term up! I had made a sweater with lots of very pretty, very expensive yarn, and it was just too funky looking and ill-fitting, so I decided I'd have to do something else with the yarn, so I frogged it. I usually hum or sing the Devo song, "Whip It" changing the words to "Rip It" when ripping a knitted item back to the original balls of yarn it once was. When a sweater is too long/You must rip it! You know those sleeves look very wrong/You must rip it!)

Once again, I liked Lakisha, and Melinda. Melinda seemed a smidge better to me last night. I also like Jordin and Stephanie. Sorry, but all you white girls are not hitting it, in my professional opinion. Whoops! Keep forgetting, I'm not a professional.

After A.I., I stayed firmly planted on my ass on the couch, and watched "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" I watched this on Tuesday night, as well, and both nights the answer was sadly, "No, I'm not smarter than a fifth grader." For the contestants, at least. I might be able to hold my own.

This show is one of those, like American Idol, that makes me feel guilty for watching TV. Guilty pleasures -- definitely. The idea is that an adult contestant is asked a series of 10 questions, from first grade to fifth grade level of difficulty, on a variety of grade school subjects. The "class" of 5 of so fifth graders on the show can provide help three times if the contestant needs to cheat. Though there are some questions that had me second-guessing myself - Wait, are fiction books in the Dewey Decimal System? - most of them just had my shaking my head in disbelief at the stupidity of the contestants. Now, last night's contestant, named Lakisha, did pretty well, earning over $100,000. But that's with cheating off the fifth graders on questions like, "How many sides does a trapezoid have?" She had no idea what a trapezoid is. I guess they probably have a special test before allowing contestants on the show. If you do well, you're automatically disqualified. I have to admit, the first night I was stumped on a question about the area of a triangle. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the equation for figuring that out. It's not pi R square, I know that much! I finally remembered after the show that it's A = 1/2 b x h, but really, those things are hard to remember, buried in the vault of my brain as they are. I seriously could have kicked some ass on that show if I were a fifth grader, back when I was smart! The fifth graders they did have on the show -- the "class" that the adult contestant can use to cheat on the answers if they don't know -- were very smart.

Off to change a poopy diaper. Oh yeah, it's a snow day today. We have several inches of the purty white stuff, but I was really looking forward to spring. My bulbs were all popping out, and are now buried. It's supposed to get warmer again this weekend. Let's hope so, or school will still be in session in July.

ehhhhhhhhhh

That is how I currently feel this evening.

I slept late this morning. THANK YOU BOYS! Can you believe they kept themselves entertained until 10 a.m.? Wow! After a leisurely breakfast and late shower, I went outside to get some yard work done.

We still have lots of tree branches everywhere from the big windstorm in December. The front yard and driveway are picked up, but the front beds and the side and back yards are very messy. I fixed the plastic border stuff that keeps the dirt contained in the front beds, which involved pounding plastic stakes in the ground with a mallet. Then I raked up leaves. We have these ginormous maple leaves that are about the size of dinner plates, and they get wet and are so...ughhh. Not fun to clean those up. I wish Hubby would mow them in the fall before it starts raining. Guess I should add that to the do it myself list.

After clearing big maple leaves, my leather gloves were soaked through, so I found a single rubber gardening glove and started picking up fir branches, trimming ferns back, and other assorted things. I came in after three hours, when I realized I was starving from not having had lunch and feeling like I might pass out in a pile of wet leaves or branches. After I stuffed my face, I noticed my back feels sore and I really want to go to sleep, but have to go make dinner and help Hutton with homework.

Yawn. So, that's how my Sunday was. Yesterday Hutton and I went to a school friend's birthday party which was crazed, but fun. Then I headed to my friend's birthday lunch at a restaurant without kids.

School starts again tomorrow, which will be nice, because it seems like Hutton has been playing too many video games lately. I have to start researching school for next year. The special education director wants Hutton to repeat Transition Kindergarten next year, and there's no way in hell I want him in the same class with his current teacher, AKA Mega Bitch.

Oh, I ran into a mom I recognized from Hutton's preschool at the doctor on Friday, and come to find out, her son was in Mega Bitch's class last year. They switched him out at spring break after dealing with over six months of mean emails and hearing about how immature and not good for her class he was. I'll be calling her to discuss her situation and hopefully, her research in the school district and private schools will help me save some time!

Off to make dinner. Curry chicken with quinoa. Let's see if the boys will eat it!
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Oh yeah, Carmen asked if I watched American Idol - the ladies. I did watch some of it, and liked Lakisha and Melinda. Melinda lives in Brentwood, TN, where my Mom and Stepdad live, so that wins her points in the Laura grading system, plus she has a great voice. Lakisha has a kick ass voice. But, then, neither one makes me squee, so we're just going on voices for the ladies.

Let's see if I can get back to posting more than twice a week now that late winter break is over! Oh, and I also have to start going to the gym so I can get in shape for soccer. Did I mention, ehhhhhhhhhhhhh?

Laura - Music Critic

I watched American Idol last night. I hadn't watched it last week, so this was my first look at the weeded down pile of potential icons. I fast-forwarded through most of the men. If they didn't hook me immediately, I went to 30 seconds in, then to the end of the song. Most of them were "eh" in my professional opinion. Oh wait. I can't sing and am tone deaf. So, not so professional opinion. The ones who did stand out to me weren't that great according to the judges.

I liked: Brandon. His beautiful smile made me "Squeee!" and I immediately started tapping my foot when he picked up the tempo. Yes, Brandon, I would Rock With You Allll Niighttt. I loved that song when Michael Jackson still had a nose and non-transparent skin.

I also liked: Sanjaya.
He is a cutie who also made me "squee" to a lesser extent. I think he has a lovely voice, too, but agreed with the judges that he didn't pick the best song.

Note - "squee" is an often involuntary girly squeal sound I make when witnessing something very cute or precious, like a baby, puppy or kitten.

I also liked the beat-box guy who didn't beat box, whatever his name is. He didn't make me squee, but I did have the song he sung stuck in my head hours later, so he knows how to pick a song!

So, you may have think I pick my faves based on looks alone. Not true. Though the "squee" is good to have, I really thought Brandon's and Sanjaya's voices were very nice, and they didn't have those moments where I wondered how they managed to get on national television, like so many others did. (The ones I fast-forwarded through, for instance.) Of course, I won't be surprised if my choices are voted off first. As I said, I'm not exactly a professional musician. Even my kids don't let me sing.

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Back to Michael Jackson. I remember hearing the duet he did with Paul McCartney, "The Girl is Mine" on the radio way back in the day. I was confused, wondering why a man and a woman were fighting over another woman. I didn't know about lesbians back then, so that wasn't an option. I quickly decided they were having a custody dispute. (Thanks to my worldly friend, Cindy, who watched soap operas, I did know all about divorce and other adult issues. Cindy also told me that you didn't need to take your shirt off to get pregnant, and I decided that that was definitely how I'd be getting pregnant as an adult - with shirt on, thank you very much. Today, after seeing what's happened to my "fun bags" after gestating and nursing two babies, I don't really think Hubby would miss much if I did leave my shirt on.) Later, I realized it was two men singing "The Girl is Mine." D'oh!

Today, I think whoever they were singing about would be like, "Excuse me? You don't own me! Who the hell do you think you are? Oh, yeah, you're both really fucking rich guys. Maybe...Oh yeah, you both look like victims of excessive plastic surgery. Hmm. Which should I go for? The really whacked out one, or the one going through the messy divorce?"

I also remember the first time I witnessed the moon walk dance. Was that the shit, or what? Oh, Michael, you had so much potential. Off to listen to "Off the Wall" and look at that cute little black kid on the cover.