Laura - Music Critic

I watched American Idol last night. I hadn't watched it last week, so this was my first look at the weeded down pile of potential icons. I fast-forwarded through most of the men. If they didn't hook me immediately, I went to 30 seconds in, then to the end of the song. Most of them were "eh" in my professional opinion. Oh wait. I can't sing and am tone deaf. So, not so professional opinion. The ones who did stand out to me weren't that great according to the judges.

I liked: Brandon. His beautiful smile made me "Squeee!" and I immediately started tapping my foot when he picked up the tempo. Yes, Brandon, I would Rock With You Allll Niighttt. I loved that song when Michael Jackson still had a nose and non-transparent skin.

I also liked: Sanjaya.
He is a cutie who also made me "squee" to a lesser extent. I think he has a lovely voice, too, but agreed with the judges that he didn't pick the best song.

Note - "squee" is an often involuntary girly squeal sound I make when witnessing something very cute or precious, like a baby, puppy or kitten.

I also liked the beat-box guy who didn't beat box, whatever his name is. He didn't make me squee, but I did have the song he sung stuck in my head hours later, so he knows how to pick a song!

So, you may have think I pick my faves based on looks alone. Not true. Though the "squee" is good to have, I really thought Brandon's and Sanjaya's voices were very nice, and they didn't have those moments where I wondered how they managed to get on national television, like so many others did. (The ones I fast-forwarded through, for instance.) Of course, I won't be surprised if my choices are voted off first. As I said, I'm not exactly a professional musician. Even my kids don't let me sing.

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Back to Michael Jackson. I remember hearing the duet he did with Paul McCartney, "The Girl is Mine" on the radio way back in the day. I was confused, wondering why a man and a woman were fighting over another woman. I didn't know about lesbians back then, so that wasn't an option. I quickly decided they were having a custody dispute. (Thanks to my worldly friend, Cindy, who watched soap operas, I did know all about divorce and other adult issues. Cindy also told me that you didn't need to take your shirt off to get pregnant, and I decided that that was definitely how I'd be getting pregnant as an adult - with shirt on, thank you very much. Today, after seeing what's happened to my "fun bags" after gestating and nursing two babies, I don't really think Hubby would miss much if I did leave my shirt on.) Later, I realized it was two men singing "The Girl is Mine." D'oh!

Today, I think whoever they were singing about would be like, "Excuse me? You don't own me! Who the hell do you think you are? Oh, yeah, you're both really fucking rich guys. Maybe...Oh yeah, you both look like victims of excessive plastic surgery. Hmm. Which should I go for? The really whacked out one, or the one going through the messy divorce?"

I also remember the first time I witnessed the moon walk dance. Was that the shit, or what? Oh, Michael, you had so much potential. Off to listen to "Off the Wall" and look at that cute little black kid on the cover.