Nothing New Under the Rain

Not much to write about. I've had a very bluesy 24 hours of emo shit and won't bore you with that.

Hutton took half of his supplements today, after I gave them to him in melted chocolate. (This is after his doctor's appointment Friday, when she essentially told me Hutton needs to be taking twice as much of each supplement he's currently on, which since he never finishes his supplement-laced drinks, is really nothing. So, technically, twice of nothing is still nothing, but I was going with the "best case scenario" dosing, in which Hutton actually takes the supps. Did I mention dr. wants us to start giving him MB12 shots, too? Yeah, really looking forward to those!) Of course, in order to get all the supplements in, it was way too much chocolate to give a kid in the morning, but he didn't eat it all at once. So, that's one nice thing that happened today. Of course, a few hours later, Hutton made me forget all that when he threw a super tantrum right before we had to leave to get the school bus. Still tantrumming as we ran to the bus, which was waiting for us down the street. The bus driver and bus driver-to-be watched, masking their horror very well, as I led screaming angry Hutton onto the bus. He sat down and announced he had to use the potty. I told him he'd have to wait until school. The BD and BDTB both exchanged a concerned look, probably worried about the state of the bus's seats. I rolled my eyes and said, "Fine. Let's go home. Sorry guys! (to the bus drivers)" So, Hutton got out of going to school today because he threw a tantrum and I just didn't have the energy to deal.

That's pretty much the gist of my day. The boys spent it watching videos, and I spent it being sad and reading celebrity gossip. If I really want to do the emo shit right, I better go find some Smiths CDs to listen to. Hmm. Wonder which ones I actually have on CD. I had them on tape in highschool.

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Hubby is SERIOUSLY pissing me off, just having to listen to him play Halo 3. He literally just said, "Just hang on the ledge, Dude!" and "Chuck a shit load of grenades in there!" Come on. It's a good thing we don't have real plasma pistols or missile launchers lying around "base" because there's no telling what emo-chic Laura might do.

Breakin' 2 - Electric Boogaloo

OK, this post isn't actually about the fabulous film listed above. It's about Spring Break! Whee! It is the second break of 2007 (mid-winter break was #1), so the "2" and "Breakin'" fit.

We're having a mellow, stay-at-home break. Well, that is, when not going to speech therapy or the dentist, the two big events of yesterday. Hutton had his teeth cleaned and no cavities and was great throughout the appointment. The dentist is so much about SWAG nowadays, though, that it seems almost fun to go. In addition to a new toothbrush, dental flush, and "happy flosser" or whatever the smurf they call those things, he got a token for the vending machines, and ended up with a pink rubber bracelet. He loved it, though, and the big, biker-looking guy in the waiting room had a chuckle over Hutton's excitement over a pink bracelet. Harrison, even though he didn't lower himself to have his teeth "counted", also got a vending machine token, and received a kick-ass dragon necklace.

After the dentist appointment, the boys ran around like crazy, and while I was answering the phone inside, Harrison face-planted outside and came in crying with blood all over his face. Fun. After cleaning him up and getting him set up with an ice pack, my BFF and her kids came over.

I attempted to make Rice Krispy Treats, using fake marshmallow fluff and gluten-free rice cereal. (Real marshmallows have corn syrup, which Hutton can't have. Plus I substituted ghee for the butter.) While I ran upstairs to print out the recipe for the treats, my friend opened the new container of fake fluff I'd bought and yelled to me something about it being gross and something was terribly wrong. I ran down and looked into the container and was horrified. The container was half-filled with some runny brown gooey liquid. I looked at my friend as if maybe she were playing a trick on me -- while I was upstairs, she'd secretly switched my regular fake fluff for some random melted crap she'd melted down in the microwave, perhaps? But no, she said that's what it looked like when she opened it.

I smelled it. It smelled OK. I dipped a finger in and tasted it. It tasted fine. My friend looked digusted and didn't think I should make the treats. I told her they'd be fine, but she was insistent that we'd get some bacterial infection or something. I said the ingredients didn't seem likely to have anything weird going on -- rice syrup and soy protein were the main ones. She was concerned about the soy. I called the hotline on the back of the container of RiceMellow and left a message about the weird crap in a tub I had bought. Then I proceeded to melt the already melted stuff into some melted ghee, stirred in the puffed rice and waited a few minutes. I tried them while my friend looked on in disbelief. They tasted like stale rice crispies with ghee and marshmallow, but didn't stick together like normal treats. The boys like them, though!

Next time I'll use coconut shortening instead of ghee, crisped rice instead of rice puffs, and hope the RiceMellow is in a normal state when I open the container.

Oh, and this morning at !!7:15!! someone from the RiceMellow company called. She left a message since I wasn't about to answer the phone that early. Come on, people! It's Spring Break! This was my only morning to sleep in! Grr! I called X back after lunch and she's sending me another jar of fake fluff and a shopping tote "to show off at the health food store!" Yeah, lady, if my second jar of fluff looks like melted brown goop, I don't think I'll be offering you any free advertising by carrying your tote. Well, I'll carry it with the name turned in.

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This morning I found a new vitamin delivery method for 6 of the umpteen supplements Hutton takes daily (or should take daily). I made some pear sauce by pureeing some pears, and it safely covered the taste of several vitamins. I didn't attempt adding enzymes to it, though, as I've found Hutton will only take those in the expensive chewable tablet form (only $75 for a month's supply! Woohoo!). I bought them in powder form, thinking I'd be able to add them to his food or drinks, but he has successfully avoiding eating or drinking anything with the enzymes, except for the enzyme-laced chocolate wafers I made him for the express purpose of getting him to eat the enzymes. Hmm. So, I either order $75 worth of chewable tablets or go spend a half hour making a week's worth of enzymes in chocolate. Spring Break is just so much fun!

A Peek into My World

This morning, after I got my lazy body out of bed, I said "Good morning!" to Hutton and he ran downstairs to use the potty and get dressed. That's one of his routines we're trying to change. He always gets up, comes upstairs to play, then goes to use the potty and get dressed after Hubby or I remind him.

Anyway, after he dressed himself, he came into the kitchen and asked for cereal, or more specifically, Koala Crisp and Puffins. I put the two cereals in his bowl, along with almond milk, and he happily ate his cereal. (Harrison was already finished, as Hubby had given him his cereal a little earlier.) While Hutton ate his breakfast, I poured him a cup of orange juice, which I laced with a few drops of grapefruit seed extract, to kill yeast. I got out all of the chewable supplements Hutton will eat with no problems - two different enzymes, a multivitamin, a B12 tablet, a DMG tablet, four omega 3 capsules - and put them on the table. I then decided instead of adding more supplements to his juice, I'd put them in a small bowl of applesauce. Hutton had readily taken the supplement laced applesauce the other day, so it should work again. I put a few spoonfuls of applesauce in the bowl, opened a capsule of probiotics and added that, along with two "bio-inflammatory" powders to help with his "leaky gut" and then a capsule of folinic acid, which helps the body handle the B vitamins. I mixed them together and walked over to Hutton.

"Here buddy! Do you want some applesauce?" Suspicious look from Hutton. "It's applesauce. You've had it before." More "I don't trust you or want that" look from Hutton.

"Here, take one bite. It has your supplements in it, but you had some the other day. Remember?"
"No!"
"Please!"
"No! No applesauce! Want more cereal!"
"You can have more cereal if you just have two bites of applesauce."
"No, want Puffins! No applesauce!"
"Please, sweetie, it's just two bites worth of applesauce."
"No!"

After a few more attempts, Nice Mommy was fading quickly. Bitch Mommy was awaiting her grand entrance.

"Hutton, if you don't eat your applesauce, you can't have any more cereal."

Guess the result of that.

"Hutton, if you don't eat your applesauce, you're not going to get to play any Xbox today!"

Hmm, that didn't work either.

"Hutton, you MUST eat this applesauce! The probiotic capsule alone is worth at least $1!"

Yeah, that sure worked.

"Hutton, Mommy is getting angry!" (Unfortunately, Hutton isn't familiar with the Incredible Hulk, and doesn't realize that he wouldn't like me when I'm angry.)

"Hutton, Mommy really doesn't like having to force you to eat this! Do you realize how hard it is for me to do this every day? Struggle with you to get you to take your supplements so your tummy will get better and you won't have to be on this restricted diet forever?"

Strangely enough, my little soliloquies on Mommy Stress, Mommy Anger, and Mommy Guilt went nowhere. Nor did my near-tears pleas for him to take his supplements.

Back to Angry Mommy. "Hutton, you're NOT leaving the table until you eat this applesauce! I'm NOT giving in. This is important!"

Brief break for me to go change Harrison's diaper.

"Hutton, will you eat it if I add some sugar?" Think Mary Poppins. Just a spoonful of sugar helps the supplements go down. Added a spoonful of brown sugar. No go.

"Hutton do you want some sunflower seed butter?" This at least gets a, "Yes!" from the angry boy. Then he realizes it's still the same blue bowl with the cursed applesauce in it, just some added sunflower seed butter. (This is one of the substitutes we use for peanut butter, and it's pretty darn good, if you ask me!)

"No!"
"Please, sweetie!"

Finally, after (how long has it been? I don't know, it seems like hours, but the sun is still shining) X amount of time, I try the "Mean Mommy gives herself what Hutton wants" approach. "Well, I'm going to have some Puffins. Yummy!" As Hutton looks at me like I'm the worst Mommy ever (yes, I already know I am), a brilliant idea pops into my head.

"OK, Hutton, you can have some Puffins. Give me your bowl." I add a handful of Puffins, smearing them as best as possible with the now disgusting supplement strewn applesauce, brown sugar, cinnamon and sunflower seed butter mixture.

And....he....eats....them!

"Can I have more please?"

Hallelujah! I add a few more, smearing what's left of the brown sauce on them. He finishes and happily says, "Let's go upstairs!"

Of course, if I try to get him to eat Puffins smeared with random crap tomorrow he will probably not want to even touch it.

UPDATE: I got Hutton to take a spoonful of sunflower seed butter with a half teaspoon of "Yeast Aid" powder mixed in this afternoon. Woohoo! Yeast Aid smells nasty, so I'm sure it doesn't taste much better.

Returning to Normal

As normal as things get around here, that is. After spending most of Thursday in a huge funk over the email bomb from Hutton's teacher, telling me he wasn't fit for her kindergarten class, I spent the evening swollen-eyed and achy-headed and went to bed at the unheard of time of 9:30. The next morning, the boys woke me up at 7:15, an hour earlier than they got up on Thursday, because they have a system: On the two days we have to leave the house by 8:30 a.m., they are both nestled cozily in bed at 8 a.m., and are quite difficult to wake up and get going. On the other 5 days of the week, they're up and at 'em by 7:30, making the noises mothers can't ignore -- slamming doors, opening the fridge (yes, I have very good ears for this sound, as it usually means they're getting into food they don't need to, or are attempting to pour themselves drinks, or that the fridge will still be open an hour later, defrosting and wet-handled, if I don't get my ass up NOW and go deal with them), etc.

So, Friday morning I got up and stumbled downstairs, and soon got into a bitchy mood because Hutton refused to take his supplements. Half of his supplements go into his juice/probiotic smoothie combo, and the chewable supplements (his multivitamin, enzymes, and zinc) I give him to eat, since they're chewable, and I think they taste just fine, so he should, too. He wasn't going for it, though, and of course, I was still in the deepest depths of the "I have a child with Autism and he's never going to get better" funk. In mere moments, Hutton's refusal to eat his chewable supplements had me sobbing and snotty, telling him he HAD to work with me on this, because if not, I'd end up in a loony bin, and he'd end up in a bad group home. Hutton could not have cared less. He did not want to eat his supplements, even if the yummy cod liver oil supplement could be his if he did. (No, really. The Coromega "orange with a hint of chocolate" cod liver oil supplement is REALLY GOOD!) Hubby came downstairs during my crazy tirade about the supplements, and told me to go upstairs. Looking crazed, my hair standing up from sleeping on it, no makeup, swollen, puffy eyes and snotty-nosed, I refused. "I have to eat breakfast, so I can go get a shower and take Hutton to his ABA!" "I'll take him to ABA." "No, I'm fine." "Well, go eat your breakfast upstairs in the bathroom. You're acting crazy, and Hutton doesn't need to hear this." "I don't want to eat breakfast in the bathroom! I want to eat it here!" "OK, then we'll go upstairs." And so Hubby went upstairs with Hutton, I slowly stopped sobbing, finished my cereal, then showered and put on make-up to make myself look less like a crazy woman.

We headed to the UW for ABA, and I managed to not sob all over myself when I told his ABA consultant what had happened with his teacher. I had called the teacher Thursday afternoon. She told me that Hutton wasn't doing well in the class, but a one-on-one aide for him wasn't an option, as the school wouldn't pay for it, and that the contained class wouldn't be challenging enough for him. OK, lady, you're not giving me much to work with here. She then said she'd never had a child sent back to preschool, but there's a first time for everything. I really don't think the preschool will accept a 5 year old, but if it's possible, I'll do it. We agreed that next week we'll try to give or take away certain benefits at home, based on Hutton's behavior at school. For instance, if he receives a 0 for behavior at school, meaning he was horrible, he'll get 0 computer or TV time at home. If he gets a 3, for super behavior, he can get 30 minutes of computer or TV time. Of course, computer and TV time is the only way I manage to unwind in the afternoon and get dinner made. "Curious George" on PBS saves me before dinner, and "Wallace and Gromit" on Xbox saves me after dinner. But, I'm willing to sacrifice if it makes a difference. His ABA consultant made the point that this may not work if Hutton isn't able to connect his behavior at school with having things taken away at home. We'll see. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Hutton showed us some of his bad behavior at ABA therapy Friday - throwing some wooden signs around, narrowly missing Harrison, me and his therapist. His consultant quickly stopped the behavior, by holding Hutton's arms and leading him through putting the signs back into the box where they belonged, while asking him what each sign was, then quickly moving on to another activity. It was really amazing how easily re-focused Hutton was, and it made me think his teacher just needs to learn some of the techniques his ABA consultant uses. I mean, Hutton is probably doing his best to get away with whatever he can at school, because he can. He doesn't act up at home, speech therapy, or ABA (well, he hadn't been until Friday...) because he knows he won't get away with it.

So, his ABA consultant told me she'd go sit in on a class to see how Hutton is at school, and to come up with solutions for our big problem. And his ABA therapist (the one who comes to our home) told me she'd be happy to help Hutton at school. Well, that's nice and all, and I guess an extra $100 a week isn't that much to spend if she helps Hutton behave in class. All the same, I think there should be some way to get this solved without me having to pay someone to sit with Hutton in school and make sure he doesn't throw blocks or clear off his desk when he doesn't want to do his work. Sigh.

After we ate lunch, we were driving home across the 520 bridge over Lake Washington, and I started singing along to R.E.M.'s "Shiny, Happy People" on the radio. I thought if I sang, Hutton might listen to the words and think it was a fun song. I kept looking at him in the rearview mirror, and soon he and Harrison were both asleep, and I started to cry as I was singing. You wouldn't think it possible to cry while singing the words, "Happy! Happy!" but it is.

Friday night Hubby and I watched lots of good, funny TV (caught up on "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" from earlier in the week) and I felt better.

Today was good. Hubby got up with the boys, I managed to go the gym, and we had just a few bad moments from Hutton, right before lunch, but after he ate he was fine. After lunch, we walked down to the creek at the end of our street to see if there were any salmon left. There were a few stragglers swimming upstream, but most of the fish had already spawned and died. There were about 20 fish in various states of decay, but it was actually very calming to see them, if a bit smelly. The whole "circle of life" feeling going on, though I didn't break into song. We walked up the trail for a while until Harrison got tired, then walked back home.
Looking for salmon "Cheese!"
Hutton chilling My boys

Then I went to the grocery store by myself, which is also very calming when done solo (though my almost-least-favorite chore, second only to cleaning up vomit or poop, when done with children) and made dinner using leftovers I remade into an Indian curry dish. We had grilled shish-kabobs last night, and I used the leftover meat and veggies, added some chickpeas, curry sauce and yogurt, and some Amy's frozen samosas and rice on the side. Hubby and I both liked it, so I felt very proud of myself for managing to make an easy dinner that actually tasted good. Hutton didn't eat much, and Harrison was falling asleep at the table, but two out of four ain't bad, right?

I'm now back in my previous state of calm. I think I have to have an Autism-fueled breakdown every once in a while. It's like a wake-up call/reality check-in, to make sure I know raising Hutton won't be all fun and games, easy-peasy. I was feeling pretty good for a while there! Thanks Reality, I know I was coasting. But I'm still staying positive, and looking forward to meeting Hutton's new doctor next week. I don't want to have to add "becoming more of a crazy bitch every day" as my sub heading just yet, but check in and see. Maybe it will be there for November.