ehhhhhhhhhh

That is how I currently feel this evening.

I slept late this morning. THANK YOU BOYS! Can you believe they kept themselves entertained until 10 a.m.? Wow! After a leisurely breakfast and late shower, I went outside to get some yard work done.

We still have lots of tree branches everywhere from the big windstorm in December. The front yard and driveway are picked up, but the front beds and the side and back yards are very messy. I fixed the plastic border stuff that keeps the dirt contained in the front beds, which involved pounding plastic stakes in the ground with a mallet. Then I raked up leaves. We have these ginormous maple leaves that are about the size of dinner plates, and they get wet and are so...ughhh. Not fun to clean those up. I wish Hubby would mow them in the fall before it starts raining. Guess I should add that to the do it myself list.

After clearing big maple leaves, my leather gloves were soaked through, so I found a single rubber gardening glove and started picking up fir branches, trimming ferns back, and other assorted things. I came in after three hours, when I realized I was starving from not having had lunch and feeling like I might pass out in a pile of wet leaves or branches. After I stuffed my face, I noticed my back feels sore and I really want to go to sleep, but have to go make dinner and help Hutton with homework.

Yawn. So, that's how my Sunday was. Yesterday Hutton and I went to a school friend's birthday party which was crazed, but fun. Then I headed to my friend's birthday lunch at a restaurant without kids.

School starts again tomorrow, which will be nice, because it seems like Hutton has been playing too many video games lately. I have to start researching school for next year. The special education director wants Hutton to repeat Transition Kindergarten next year, and there's no way in hell I want him in the same class with his current teacher, AKA Mega Bitch.

Oh, I ran into a mom I recognized from Hutton's preschool at the doctor on Friday, and come to find out, her son was in Mega Bitch's class last year. They switched him out at spring break after dealing with over six months of mean emails and hearing about how immature and not good for her class he was. I'll be calling her to discuss her situation and hopefully, her research in the school district and private schools will help me save some time!

Off to make dinner. Curry chicken with quinoa. Let's see if the boys will eat it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh yeah, Carmen asked if I watched American Idol - the ladies. I did watch some of it, and liked Lakisha and Melinda. Melinda lives in Brentwood, TN, where my Mom and Stepdad live, so that wins her points in the Laura grading system, plus she has a great voice. Lakisha has a kick ass voice. But, then, neither one makes me squee, so we're just going on voices for the ladies.

Let's see if I can get back to posting more than twice a week now that late winter break is over! Oh, and I also have to start going to the gym so I can get in shape for soccer. Did I mention, ehhhhhhhhhhhhh?

So Much to Say

And not much of it is good.

I've stayed away for a few days, as I was in the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" frame of mind. No, I prefer to wallow in misery and let my depression stew for a few days before forcing it on my poor, undeserving (or is that underserving?) readers.

The misery and depression aren't so miserable and depressing today. Amazing what a day, and a double shot mocha (with whip) will do for you!

The pleasantly fading misery and depression stem from a few things, but they all involve a certain beloved first child. Yes, I love him unconditionally. No, it's nothing he did, but rather things involving him. See the difference?

Anyway, last week I received an email from Hutton's ABA consultant, who had emailed Hutton's primary megabitch er, teacher, wait, let's just say it's someone involved in Hutton's life several hours a week. This woman who shall remain nameless had emailed his ABA consultant about Hutton's behavior. ABA consultant had been in to observe Hutton's class a few times and recommend things to try for his bad behaviors. [That's what they do - Applied Behavioral Analysis. Kind of like a nicer version of Pavlovian conditioning. You show a child how to do something the right way, and give him lots of praise, or tokens, or treats, or he gets to play with a special toy, etc. if he does the "right" thing. For instance, if Hutton is working on a worksheet, and completes the worksheet, he may get a high five and a check mark on his chart, with the goal being after he gets five check marks, he gets to play with his trains. If he does something "wrong" -- tearing his worksheet and putting the paper in his mouth, let's say, very hypothetically. Cough. -- he is redirected to doing it the right way. The bad behaviors tend to be ignored, as if you punish them, that is often what the child is going for -- attention, and a chance to get out of what he doesn't want to do.]

Back to the story. So, the ABA consultant knew that this mystery woman (MW) didn't like having Hutton in her, uh, surroundings, and was not too keen on trying these ABA techniques for changing negative behaviors, but she still told MW that if she (ABA consultant) could help with any transitions to a new class she would. MW wrote back, in my best paraphrasing, with some of the choicest words in bold:

We are leaving Hutton's backpack in the bushes [he often throws his backpack in the bushes after he gets off the bus] so he doesn't get his snack for the day as a consequence. We reward all the other kids with crackers and telling them "Good job!" when they aren't ripping their papers, and ignore everything Hutton does unless it is harmful or affects other kids. Yesterday, Hutton was playing with the soap and got some in his eyes. I'm hoping he is smart enough to put the two together.

The rest of it mentions more of his bad behaviors, and how she knows I am weary of the school battle. Huh? I'm fine with school. Hutton is fine with school until he is treated like a dog, and worse than that, a very stupid dog.

Onto my mom bias. I know Hutton has challenging behaviors. Yeah, really. I deal with fights over getting him to drink his supplement-laced drinks every morning (damn, that TMG really smells bad, and Hutton sniffs everything before eating or drinking it! Guess he really doesn't need TMG that much today), his howls of protest when he doesn't want to do something he needs to do (get the bus, go to speech therapy, go downstairs for ABA therapy...), other assorted things here and there. But, I also know that Hutton is a very smart little boy who is perfectly capable of doing kindergarten level work. The trick is to make it enjoyable. Hmm. That's crazy, isn't it? Make kindergarten fun? You mean, so kids will like going to school for the next 12 years? Yeah, crazy.

And the point of Hutton being in kindergarten isn't to make him feel singled out as a stupid freak; strangely enough, he may get that idea when he's IGNORED and everyone else is rewarded for things he doesn't understand. Does he know they're getting crackers for not ripping papers? Maybe, but more likely he just sees other kids getting crackers, while he essentially sits ignored and hungry, because he doesn't get to have his snack, because his backpack is still in the bushes. But wait, how is he doing to make those connections if, as MW believes, he's not smart enough to realize that soap in your eyes hurts? GRRR.

I think his ABA consultant would point out that the whole idea is POSITIVE reinforcement of good behavior. Not punishment of bad behaviors. I realize punishment works to change behaviors, too, but that's not what we're looking for. I'm sure MW would love to be able to whip Hutton into submission, but that's just not going to happen in WA kindergarten. (I do remember being horrified when we moved to Tennessee and they had corporal punishment in the form of paddling at middle and high schools! No, I never was paddled. I was a good girl!) I've seen how well positive reinforcement works for Hutton. When I go crazy with praise after he writes his name on his homework sheet, the whole process goes so much more smoothly. Imagine that. Praise works better than my getting angry and frustrated. Who knew?

A few minutes after I got the forwarded email (e standing for EVIL), I got another email from MW, CCed to the ABA consultant and the director of special education at Hutton's school district.

Just to prove me wrong (or insane) Hutton has had much better days this week...He hasn't thrown his backpack since the day he missed out on snack. He has been willing to stay in his seat and do his work with a minimum of prompts. (And lots of crackers.) Let's stay on course and see how it goes!

So, right when I'm ready to get Hutton out this class ASAP, MW comes around to seeing how well he can behave. Of course, now I have to let her know we're doing a gluten, casein, corn, etc. free diet, and will have to provide them with some better reinforcers. I called the director of special education to discuss the situation, but haven't heard back from her yet. Needless to say, I still want Hutton out of crazy (hey, she said it herself!) Megabitch's class. But I don't know what his options are, and I've heard bad things about our neighborhood school from another parent. Sigh. It will all be fine. Eventually.

The other misery has been dietary. Hutton has been fine on the diet. I'm the one having trouble getting used to it. And Hubby (or Husband as I should call him, as Hubby sounds too cute and cheery for someone I'm still sorta pissed at) has problems with it as well.

Yesterday, as I was making the boys waffles (yes, Kim, I got the Trader Joe's ones!) and bacon, I was trying to get Hutton to drink his supplement juice. I made the mistake of putting the vitamins that smell in there (super nu thera and TMG), and Hutton wasn't going to drink his juice, which had the last of the lemonade in it, which is the best beverage for disguising the grapefruit seed extract I'm currently using to treat his yeast overgrowth. I was trying everything. "Hutton, you need to drink this so it will kill the yeast monster!" "Sweetie, if you drink this, you can have maple syrup on your waffles!" then quickly degenerating to, "Hutton, you will not scream at me. Go to your room until you calm down!" followed by, "Sweetie, please drink this! You won't be able to have any bacon unless you drink this! These supplements are really frickin' expensive!" Finally, after Husband came downstairs and offered the helpful, "Hutton, please drink your juice so Mommy will shut up," I dumped the drink, found some oranges to make orange juice with, and hid the grapefruit seed extract and a few other non-smelly vitamins in the o.j., which was readily accepted as drinkable by super-nosed boy. I then attempted to show him how to swallow capsules. No, that didn't work. I think I'll be leaving the smelly stuff out indefinitely, and sticking with the yummy, though not as nutritious or good for a yeast problem, chewable vitamins.

So, I was pissed at Husband after that remark, plus when he tried to say that we weren't doing anything fun all weekend, not because he had work to do (which he did) but because we couldn't go out to eat because of the diet. I decided to take the boys to the park after a delightful GFCFetc. lunch to prove him wrong. Husband wheedled his way into going to the park with us, then went to work that afternoon.

Another incident at the park added to my weekend funk. We saw a boy from Hutton's class. I spoke to the mom briefly about our plans for school for next year, while avoiding talking about a certain teacher at all costs. The boy from class pointed out that Hutton didn't pump well on the swing. OK. A few minutes later, another boy from Hutton's class showed up. I attempted to talk to the moms, who are obviously better friends than I am with either of them, for a few minutes, while watching their sons come up with some super-imaginative play scheme involving the jungle gym as a submarine, and going into the boiler room to check for leaks, and spotting dolphins through the periscope, etc. Hutton preferred to just play on the jungle gym as a jungle gym, and I quickly excused myself to spot Harrison on another jungle gym, feeling left out and sorry for myself, and sad that Hutton wasn't playing "the right way" with two boys from his class.

Today, in my less-miserable state of mind, I realize that the two boys aren't autistic (well, I know one isn't, and I'm pretty sure if the other one is, he's super high-functioning, as he came up and asked me my name and proceeded to call me by name for several minutes), and they are friends outside of school, so probably play better together anyway. If Hutton's friends from school who have autism were there, it may have been a different story, or if his friend Amy were there...Who knows?

Oh, and I was just PMSing. A classic excuse for misery and depression!

Now I'm Really Feeling Better

Thanks to all my loyal readers for your thoughtful comments on my last two "Autism Funk" posts. I am feeling a lot better today! Your comments are one reason. This is another:

Hutton's preschool teacher called me this morning. She taught him for two years at his special education preschool. She's a very straightforward but easy-going woman, and Hutton did wonderfully in her class. He wasn't perfect all the time, but his teacher knew how to deal with him and got him to behave in class. Apparently, Hutton's Kindergarten teacher has contacted his preschool teacher A LOT this year. It boils down to, Kindergarten teacher (KT) wants to give Hutton back to Preschool teacher (PT). PT says, "No thanks, lady, that's not how it works. He did fine in my class, now he's ready for Kindergarten. That's your territory. You need to figure out to get the boy to behave."

PT told me that she explicitly told KT how to handle Hutton. That Hutton would test her, and that KT needs to just "get in Hutton's face, and tell him how he is expected to behave." That may sound a bit crazy to you readers, but believe me, it's not. That's what works with Hutton -- getting in his face. PT also understood Hutton's sensory issues -- he loves to smell everything and is usually tempted to eat things he shouldn't that smell good, like glue or playdoh, and he just gets a little too "into" smelly handsoaps, etc. So far, KT has written 3 notes about Hutton eating glue or playdoh, smearing handsoap all over his hair and the bathroom, and smearing peanut butter on himself if I send that as a snack. So, you'd think a teacher who deals with special education kids would have dealt with a child with sensory issues before, but I guess Hutton is just that extra special special kid.

But, after talking to PT, I now feel better about his placement in Kindergarten. PT told me the Transition Kindergarten is exactly where Hutton needs to be. The local contained class is mostly non-verbal kids, and Hutton will not have nearly enough stimulation there. And that Hutton going back to preschool isn't the right choice, either. He's in Kindergarten because he's ready for it. He's more than prepared academically, and KT just needs to get Hutton to behave. PT and I both agreed that Hutton figured out pretty quickly that he could get away with horrible behavior in Kindergarten, because the KT didn't handle it right off the bat.

I feel much better now about Hutton, and about my choice to put him in Kindergarten. PT told me to call her whenever I need to vent, ask questions, or anything at all, which was great. It's always good to have someone who understands the system and who knows Hutton to have my back. Word.