Oh, So That's What We're Doing This Weekend

This morning, Hubby and I both woke up late. Well, I got up at 2 a.m. to change a poopy diaper (Harrison has some issues with daytime pooping, and apparently can only really relax when he's asleep! Guess we'll have some therapy for him in the future. Kidding, kidding!) then again at 8:00 a.m. when Harrison was "locked in his bedroom" by Hutton, meaning Hutton had closed the door after himself when he got up this morning. It wasn't locked, but for some reason, Harrison forgot the door opens in. Sigh.

So, I had no trouble going back to sleep for another hour. But Hubby was taking his time. At 10:00, he was still at home, getting himself a bowl of cereal and some orange juice. I reminded myself that it was in fact, Friday, not Saturday.

I started cleaning up the kitchen, when I noticed something brown on the floor. Hmm. What is that? Cereal? Nooo. Of course not. It was DOG POOP. Again! Can I get a break? Where did it come from? Closest source - Fergus. He looked up at me, and I grabbed a paw and saw lots of stuff clumped on his pad. Grrr!

Meanwhile, Harrison has appeared back in the room, diaperless and demanding a new diaper, as I'm surveying the floor for more poop spots. I grabbed a paper towel and started picking up and wiping down anything that could have possibly been poop, while asking Harrison to go get a diaper, please, and trying to pin Fergus on the floor so he won't run through the house spreading poop. I was also trying to avoid being bitten by old Ferg. Fergus has lots of paw anxiety from past events, including a bad nail trim episode, as well as cutting the pad on his paw, requiring a trip to the vet for stitches. He really doesn't like having his paws handled, and when they're covered in dog poop....ARRGGGH!

I managed to get Harrison's new diaper on while pinning Fergus, then tried to drag Fergus to the bathroom, but he wasn't going for it and started baring his teeth at me again, knowing I was going for his paws again. I pushed him into the garage, then started cleaning the floor. After that was done, I readied the bathtub for a dog bath, and somehow convinced Fergus to come out of his crate in the garage and carried him to the bathroom. After bathing him, I got a muzzle on him and started trimming his nails and cutting the fur between his pads, so he won't drag in more poop. Fun times. Not something I wanted to do this morning, but I can't say that Fergus didn't need a bath and nail trim. I would have preferred not to deal with the poop, though.

Then, I finally got upstairs to the golden mecca that is my computer, to check email and drink my coffee, and saw Hubby at his desk, wearing headphones. He used to work from home, so that wasn't too unusual, but I noticed he wasn't looking at a "work" looking screen. No, he was playing a game. He looked up and said, "I'm working from home today! Halo 3 is out!"

"Oh, so you're working, huh?"

As I wrote for my title, I know what we'll be doing this weekend. The boys and I will be entertaining ourselves while Hubby devotes himself to a video game. Sigh.
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Did I mention that Hubby is rebuilding our deck? I mentioned to him last night I wasn't sure what to do for Hutton's birthday in two weeks. I didn't want him to feel pressured, so I didn't add what was on my mind: I can't just have a simple party at home if our back deck is missing. Well, I can, but having people stuck in the kitchen and family rooms, rather than having the kids able to play outside and serve food that we grilled out, takes away from the summer birthday party at home thing. And now that Halo 3 is out, something tells me Hubby is NOT going to be working on the deck a lot this weekend. Sigh. Better start looking for places to have a birthday party.

Important Note to Remember

Note to Self:

The next time your younger son wants to climb up on your desk to pick out a DVD to watch, using your leg and office chair to climb onto the desk, please ascertain that there is no dog poop on son's shoes. Because you will forget this, I'll remind you here that this caused your "oddly cheery for afternoon" spirits to go down instantly. In fact, high spirits plummeted instantly back to normal "bitchy mom in the afternoon" levels.

Please make certain to have both children remove their shoes at the door when entering the house. I know you try to do this, but Harrison, AKA the poop smearer, isn't good at doing it on his own, so you'll need to remind him from now on.

Thank you for your attention to this matter!

Sincerely,
The Smart Half of the Brain (yeah, I know. I'm on vacation a lot. Sue me. Wait, you're too stupid to do that, Stupid Half! Ha!)

The Twicer

I've become the thing I've always dreaded. Well, that's a lie. I've never really dreaded becoming it. I didn't even know it existed until a few years ago when I even discovered blogging. "IT" is the twice-weekly blogger.

That's right, I'm a lame blogger who can't pull random thoughts out of my sad little brain and condense them into semi-coherent passages more than twice a week. That's OK, though. I'm all right with it. I can accept my blogger failings. Sometimes I just have to be outside gardening when the Northwest weather finally turns warm and sunny after nine months of rain and gloom. Other times I may be spending too much time looking for things I don't really need on ebay, or getting caught up on the latest with "Poor Little Lindsay! I blame her father for this!" and other celeb gossip.

I only hope that you, Gentle Reader, can accept my failings as well. Sob, please accept me as I am!

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Another "twicer" event is the Cleaning Lady. (Cue that "angels singing" or choir sound). She and her sister come to my humble abode twice a month to keep me and my family from living in squalor. Believe me, it's a very small price to pay, at any price she'd charge. Hubby didn't even give me a hard time about it, since I am the "housewife" and that was on the list of job requirements when I signed up for the job. (Wait, you other housewives didn't get a list of housewife job requirements? Hmm. I'll have to double-check that.)

Anyway, twice a month, I scramble around the house, tidying up on Cleaning Day Eve. That's one of the tricks* of life -- you have to clean for the cleaning people. See, if they show up with the house in its normal state -- toys everywhere, Hubby's laundry basket in the middle of the bedroom, shoes lying around here and there, dishes piled in the sink and on the counter, laundry piled up in the laundry room -- they can't clean the stuff they came to clean. So, I have to pick everything up and put it away, or sometimes just hide it in piles in the closets.

That was what I did on Monday night, Cleaning Day Eve. I got the rooms tidy (not clean. There's a big difference between tidy and clean!) and even had the check written and on the console table, ready to go. Now, I wouldn't have to scramble at all on Tuesday morning!

Tuesday, I got up early, showered and dressed, and got the boys their breakfasts with plenty of time to spare. It was looking like I might actually get Hutton to speech therapy on time, until I remembered that I hadn't picked up his nighttime diaper and pajama bottoms from the bathroom floor that morning, which I wanted to do so the Cleaning Lady didn't have to touch them. (Hutton's morning routine, which he often forgets and needs to be reminded to "Go use the potty and get dressed!", is to get up, go use the potty, leave his pajama bottoms and nighttime diaper on the bathroom floor, put his pajama top in his hamper, and get dressed in the clothes I laid out for him the night before.)

WARNING: CRAPISODE TO FOLLOW! (I posted this after reading Kim's blog today.)
The diaper left on the bathroom floor was dirty with poop, but no poop was still in the diaper. I looked in the toilet. Wow! What a big step for Hutton! He dumped the poop into the toilet! (Now I just need him to stop pooping into his diaper at night. That makes for smelly laundry the next day, believe me!) Unfortunately, he also put in a bunch of baby wipes as well and the toilet was clogged. The poop alone probably would have done it, and it may have. I didn't actually see him put baby wipes in the toilet. The Cleaning Lady was due in 20 minutes. To plunge and be late to speech therapy, or just leave a note, and still be late? I left a note saying, "Do not touch! Toilet clogged. Will plunge later."

And we were late. But at least I had a nice excuse to give the speech therapist! Nothing shows respect for someone's time like a good poop excuse.


*I was going to use the word "ironies" here, but after the Alanis Morrisette song, I really hate the misuse of the word irony or ironic, and I couldn't think of the right word. So, if any of your human thesauruses can think of the right word, please let me know!

Back to the Grind

Well, sort of. School starts back tomorrow. The weather is crappy, cold and rainy again, and has been most of the week. Happy Spring Break, right?

This morning I was greeted by not one but TWO poopy diapers. Yay. Hutton still wears a diaper overnight so I don't have to change the sheets every day. I really need to start waking him up overnight to do his business in the potty, but hey, I'm lazy! Anyway, today both boys got the "Mommy is SO DARN TIRED OF POOP!" lecture as I cleaned up and put stinky pjs in the washing machine. I also told them how tired I am of doing laundry to wash just one small load of poop-scented pjs. Fortunately, they both seem to have pooped after they got up, but even though I didn't have to wash sheets, I was even more pissed that they waited until they got up, but still didn't use the potty. Well, Harrison is not potty trained at all, so he's more acceptable.

I went over the ROUTINE once again with Hutton - 1. Wake up. 2. USE THE %$%*&^* POTTY. 3. Get dressed. 4. Play or eat breakfast. Again, play or eat is #4, not before USING THE POTTY. Repeat, repeat, ask Hutton if he understands. "OK, tell me what your morning schedule is?" "Get up, eat break...I mean, use the potty..." ARRRRGGH!

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Speaking of potties, mine is broken. The flapper ball leaks, according to Hubby, so I think we have an exciting trip to the Home Depot in our future. I already went Thursday with Harrison and bought mulch. Woohoo! After spreading two bags and only covering an area the size of my desk, I quickly concluded four bags wasn't enough. Think I'll have a big load of it delivered instead. Then I can spend my days outside spreading mulch. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

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Friday I took the boys to the University of Washington for Hutton's ABA appointment. After seeing his consultant, we went in search of food for lunch. I had heard that Red Robin had Gluten Free fries, so I got the boys psyched up for that. Hutton was surprisingly OK with having a plain hamburger patty, some lettuce and fries without ketchup (CORN SYRUP! It's EVIL!). I gave him some enzymes, too, just in case anything was contaminated with gluten or casein. After lunch though, Hutton was scripting (an Autistic behavior involving repeating lines from shows that don't really pertain to the situation). Well, in this case, though, they did sort of pertain. He was saying, "George, how 'bout we put an ice pack on your tummy?" He was talking about Curious George, but I figured out the ice pack on the tummy bit was because his own tummy hurt from lunch. He always asks for ice packs if he hurts himself. I asked him and he told me it did hurt. Crap!

We headed back to the UW for "Social Skills" group, and Hutton was saying he wanted to take a nap, so I carried him back and stayed with him for a few minutes until he magically snapped out of it when they started doing letter stamping. The plus: Harrison and I got to sing the "Hello" song. I learned my lesson about Red Robin. Sigh. We used to eat there all the time! Even my tummy hurt a bit, though. Guess the Whiskey River BBQ Burger was too much for me! Guess I'll be bringing a Thermos of gluten and nitrate-free hotdogs next time and we'll eat in the car. Yep, the diet makes for fancy eating conditions!

I realized how much I hate driving in cities (and I wasn't even in the "real" part of Seattle!) when I had to drive past the restaurant twice and turn around twice in order to park for lunch, and I almost turned the wrong way on a one-way street. Fortunately, the light was red for the oncoming traffic so I was able to back up into the intersection before we got smashed by a bus. Fun times.

One thing that actually was fun: seeing a guy pedaling his bike over the bridge over Portage Bay, carrying a Starbucks cup in his left hand. Biking with coffee! Impressive.

Time to go color my hair (for those who remember this, rest assured I'm going with a brownish hue) while the boys are distracted with Xbox and DVDs. Yes, it's a glamorous life I lead!

Cabin Fever...and Poop

School was canceled again today. It snowed a bit. Just enough to add to the snow we already have and mess up the roads.

Hutton hasn't been in school since last Tuesday. He hasn't been in speech therapy since last Tuesday. He's had his AIT and ABA, but the rest of the time has been spent playing Cars on Xbox or watching Cars on DVD. Well, that and making sure there is a new train track layout in the playroom.

I'm feeling a bit stir crazy, but don't really want to go out if there's ice on the road. I'm a bad inexperienced ice/snow driver. As are most of the rest of the residents of the Puget Sound area, according to the wrecked cars on the sides of the roads we saw this weekend.

I really need to go to the grocery store, too. That's always so much more fun with both boys. Heavy sarcasm there. Hey, we still have dry pasta in the house, and frozen chicken. I'm sure Hubby would love to have yet another dinner of pasta, or some chicken with rice dish.

On the plus side, Sally has been peeing AND pooping outside! Yippee! We're still using a towel to help carry her, but she's supporting more of her weight now. This brings me to a "fun" story from this weekend, when Sally didn't pee or poop outside, but waited until coming back in out of the snow to do her business. Nothing too bad though. I was in the shower, so Hubby dealt with cleanup. Great. But then later Sunday I had a screaming tantrum little talk with Hubby about not putting dog poop in the Diaper Champ. [For the non-initiated, a Diaper Champ is a receptacle for dirty diapers that helps keep them from smelling up the house. We still keep ours in the garage, though because diaper pails smell once your child starts eating food. It involves placing a diaper in the top and flipping the handle, which causes the diaper to plummet into the trash bag below, without any further touching of the dirty diaper. Hey, I got it when Hutton was a baby, before I realized diaper pails are a waste of money and that it would be easier and less smelly to just put the diapers in a grocery bag then dump them in the outside trash can.]

Hubby and I don't see eye to eye on poop/Diaper Champ issues as it is. I always dump a poopy diaper in the toilet before putting it in the Champ. He always just shoves it in. And none-too-carefully I might add. I like to make sure NO POOP is anywhere on the outside of the Champ. Why? Not because I'm anal, but because having poop anywhere where I might come into contact with it on my clothes or bare hands is nasty, that's why!

~~~~~~~~~~TMI Time~~~~~~~~~
So, Sunday afternoon, Harrison had a particularly fun diaper, and after dumping it in the toilet, I wrapped it up carefully and took it out to the garage. I placed it in the top of the Champ, pressed down (if you don't press down, sometimes the previous diaper hasn't gone into the bag yet, so when you turn the handle, you're greeted by an old diaper), and turned the handle. Hmm. It was stuck. I decided to open the Champ to make sure it wasn't full.

Holy shit! What is that horrific smell? Why is there poop smeared all over the...Wait, is that a paper towel with...dog poop? Yep, Hubby had placed a paper-towel wrapped, big dog turd in the top of the Champ. Needless to say, when he flipped it, the paper towel got caught, and the doo did not stay wrapped in the paper towel, but smeared everything in it's vicinity. As I gagged and attempted to clean up most of the mess, my fury grew. After scrubbing my hands, I went upstairs to throw my hissy fit talk to Hubby. It seemed to work. Hubby "cleaned and refurbished" the Champ. It involved taking things apart and 20 minutes of cleaning.

Did I mention Sally's on antibiotics? Those do wonders for a dog's poop.

Is the Week Over Yet?

Yesterday, as I napped on the couch while the boys watched "Curious George," I developed a sore throat. I knew it was coming, and stuffed as much vitamin C and zinc as I could in my body. This morning, I woke up stuffy, but not really sick. Just that annoying, slightly off feeling, like I could sleep all day. And a headache, of course. It's gray outside. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Hubby is supposed to be taking care of our turkey. We'll see.

Hutton's parent-teacher conference was yesterday. His teacher reiterated that she thought he should still be in preschool, "but since that's not going to happen..." Yes, she said that. Hubby and I just smiled politely when she said that. She mentioned Hutton repeating kindergarten next year, and all I can think of is, "God, I hope we can get him in another class!"

We then asked what we should be working on with him outside of school. Apparently he needs to be in a lots of groups to help him socialize with other kids. The last thing I did with Hutton in a group setting was swim lessons this summer. He was fine, but I guess I'm just burned out on doing all the "extra" stuff. It costs money, it takes time, and even if we have the money, I feel burned out constantly driving Hutton to various appointments, and Harrison is getting the short end of things. Harrison has Gymboree once a week, and gets to play with my friend's daughter once a week, but other than that, he's stuck going with me to take his brother to doctor's appointments, speech therapy and ABA. Then again, he doesn't have social issues to work on. I tried to get Hutton interested in a soccer class, but he said he doesn't want to play soccer. The horror! Harrison seemed interested, though. Maybe I could get them in the same class? Doing something for both of them simultaneously? Wow, that would actually make sense and save time.

I need to take Hutton to have his blood drawn so we can get his lab work started. He conveniently hasn't pooped for the last two days, and sneaked into the bathroom without my noticing on Sunday, so I have to do another sample of poop for the labs, but am worried it's going to be screwed up from waiting so long. See, you're supposed to take two samples, preferably on consecutive days, and you can only send the poop by FedEx Monday through Wednesday. So, if he doesn't poop in the next couple hours, I'll have to wait another 5 days to send in his poop, and the first sample, which I took Saturday, will be really old. Hubby didn't know about the labs until I ran in Friday night screaming, "Wait!" as he flushed a perfectly good sample down the toilet. Me: "What are you doing? Did Hutton poop?" Hubby looked at me bewildered as I explained that we needed two poop samples, and looked longingly at the toilet, Cher singing in my head, "If I could turn back time!" Anyway, one of the samples from Saturday is frozen, so it's not that big a deal, but the one that is just in the jar with the preservative -- is that OK? And it's Thanksgiving tomorrow, so I'm sure sending a sample today is a bad idea all together. I already realized I should have sent his pee in Monday, so will have to retake that. The pee isn't that hard to get, so I'm not worried about that. It's really the poop that is annoying me. Geez, there's nothing like getting flustered about poop.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!