Saturday Night Excitement

I was just reading a magazine, and as I flipped through the final pages at the back, checking for articles hidden among the ads, I was stopped by a full-page ad featuring a picture of a cute couple nuzzling each other with an adorable baby between them, and the giant print, "VAGINAL REJUVENATION" below, in the middle of the page. Of course, I was intrigued, and read on.

This was a medical clinic offering all sorts of neat procedures for the ladies, to "get you back in shape from the inside out." OK. I was mildly amused by the "individual kegel exercise regimen" and vaginal weight training. Uh, no thanks, I do my vag weight training on the machines at the gym. Heh. Just kidding.

Anyway, the kicker was further down, after the section on "minimally invasive procedures" featuring bladder lifts and trans-gender scarless hysterectomies, there was the "restoration, reconstruction, plumbing and renovations" section. Hmm, I have always thought of my lady bits in terms of home improvement terminology. How did the genius copywriter responsible for this ad know that?! Still reading the smaller print in this section (uh-huh, I liken it to rubber-necking a car accident) was the laugh-out-loud phrase: "If...your labia are assymetric [sic] or large and bothersome, you may benefit from minimally invasive...surgery." Jeez, even when my life is not-so-fun, I can always look on the bright side: I don't need surgery for large and bothersome labia. Phew! The fact that this full page ad had a typo of asymmetric, and it featured the word ass...well, that's just too easy.

And just so you know, this was in New York magazine, not Hustler for Women or Cosmo or something like that. Don't ask me why I, a hausfrau living in the boonies 40 minutes from the closest real city, and across the country from New York, am reading New York magazine. Well, go ahead and ask. DH had some credit card points to burn, so I got lots of free subscriptions, and there wasn't the best selection. I'd rather read New York and pretend to be hip than Men's Vogue, Golf Digest or W for instance. I don't even know what W magazine is, but it brings Dubya to mind, therefore I want nothing to do with it!