OK, Can I Give Them Back Now?

Today was a day I wondered why I thought having kids was such a great idea. In fact, I wondered this aloud to myself, as I inhaled the fumes of "Goo Gone" and scrubbed the walls. Me: "Why was it really necessary to pass on your fabulous genes? Really, are you that vain that you think the world wouldn't have been complete without half of your DNA floating around in the form of children? Just think what exciting things you could have been doing right now instead of scrubbing the walls with Goo Gone!"

The day started out happily groggily normally enough. I woke up at dawn to get Harrison, he slept in bed with us a little while, then got "down" from bed to go play. An hour or so later, hubby was fiddling with his alarm clock, thinking it was the source of the soft Muzak-style sounds we heard. Nope, that was "A Whole New World" from the Aladdin soundtrack blaring on the CD player downstairs in Hutton's room. I was glad to be hearing the soft version of the song. It ended soon after, and I snoozed again, interrupted by Harrison, carrying in a big toy that needed new batteries, saying, "Help You! Help You!" I told him to go find something else to play with, but did get out of bed finally to feed the dogs and let them out. After that, the boys had breakfast, and I took Hutton into his room to get dressed.

Hmm. The pillows are all on the floor. I guess he and Harrison were playing around when the Aladdin soundtrack was on earlier. Looking more closely: What is that on the pillows? CRAYON?!!! Quickly followed by frantic looking around the room further: CRAP, it's on the bed, the walls, the sheets, the comforter! Sending Hutton upstairs partially dressed so I could scream and tear my hair out in peace...

After attempting to scrub the walls with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser (don't know what sort of caustic substance this thing uses, but it has saved my ass in the past, when Hutton drew on the walls with a dry erase marker at our former hospital volunteer job) I decided it wasn't cutting it. I was disintegrating on the textured walls. (Years ago, we skim-coated the walls in every room of the house but Hutton's, which used to be the guest room, and still haven't made it around to skim-coating Hutton's walls.) Oh well. Back to the cleaning cabinet for the GOO GONE. I then scrubbed around on various surfaces for the next hour, talking and cursing aloud to myself, pretty much acting like the crazy person I have become. I finally stopped when I realized I was scrubbing the inside of the closet doors, which would never be seen by anyone but me, Hutton and Harrison, so I decided I didn't care if there were blue crayon marks still smeared around.

I was angry at the boys (Harrison is a big crayon fiend, and he doesn't understand that his artistic touches with colored wax aren't appreciated unless they're done on PAPER!) but also at myself, for being stupid enough to leave the box of crayons Hutton had received as a end-of-the-year gift from his physical therapist at school on the dresser in his room. The boys loved those crayons, but didn't bother opening the new notebook that the crayons came attached to. And unfortunately, those new crayons are the old-fashioned non-washable kind. And no, that type of crayon doesn't wash out of fabric easily. At least it didn't after the first wash. I'll know more after the second wash cycle completes in a little while.

A couple hours pass by. Hutton is working with his home therapist in his room, and I'm finally enjoying my coffee and reading email. Ahhh.

I go in to take a shower. Hutton bursts into the room to happily announce that he made a mess. I ask him if he's talking about earlier with the crayons, because, yes that was a mess. He nods excitedly and laughs. I grit my teeth and send him out.

A few minutes later, downstairs, his therapist breaks the news that no, he wasn't talking about earlier. While she was cleaning up his index cards, Hutton had grabbed the markers and colored on the carpet. I smile and nod and say, "Well, we have a steam cleaner for those things..."

Any guess as to how I spent my early afternoon?

Hubby just took the boys out. I don't know where they went, and I don't care. Actually, that's a lie. I was thinking as they left that I'd be a little bummed out if they went and saw a movie without me.

UPDATE: The crayon marks faded a bit, but are still visible on the yellow pillowcases.

I kept close watch of the boys all afternoon, pretending to be a good parent. However, at one point I went upstairs to tell hubby dinner would be ready in a few minutes. When I returned, Hutton and/or Harrison had knocked over a lamp in Hutton's room. So, in case scrubbing walls, steam-cleaning carpets, and doing laundry wasn't enough crap to do today in addition to my regular routine, I also had a chance to pick up little shards of light bulb glass and vacuum as an after dinner treat.

Where's the wine?