What the Hell?

I get a lot of email. Both wanted and unwanted. I check it frequently so it doesn't "pile up" (yeah, I know email can't really pile up...), and that includes my junk mail folder. I can usually tell spam at a glance, but sometimes I actually look at the text of the message just to double check.

So, for that reason, I've noticed a lot of weird spam messages lately, that include some strange blocks of prose, but no indication of what they are trying to sell. The latest one I received was from "Daren Boone." It was "re: Warning!" Here's what it said:

And do you know why, Paul? "Reluctantly, Hezekiah allowed the gosha to subside to the end of its leather string like a slowing pendulum. She reached in and took out a handful of something and flung it into the face of the first sleeping Paul Sheldon. did the Baron kill Calthorpe?

He kept thinking she would tear the paper to shreds, but it seemed she did not quite dare do this. Annie Wilkes was in her grave. He answered with no hesitation at all. "But would you want to stay? Well, I guess you could. Ramage who drove, cracking the whip over the bewildered Mary, who would have told them, if horses could talk, that this was all wrong she was supposed to be dozing in her warm stall come this time of night. The article noted that some of Annies alleged victims had even lived long enough to be given real names.

Huh. Who writes this stuff? And can I get a job writing it, too?! I'll use that pesky punctuation stuff! OK, I realize it's a computer-generated amalgamation of crap, but still. It would be fun to write!

I deleted this message without checking it out further, but then went back to look at it in my deleted mail folder; the fun prose had disappeared and been replaced with:
Diet Pill Breakthrough! Click to learn more about Hoodia.

Sigh. It seemed so much more exciting when it was talking about Annie's victims. Botched gastric bypass patients of Dr. Annie, perhaps? Wait, wasn't Annie Wilkes the character in Misery? Allie? Yep, just Googled it.